new post pogchamp. and journal too cause yeeee

src/content/posts/2025-03-04-jwl-01.mdx

@@ -0,0 +1,72 @@
+---
+date: 2025-03-04 13:00:00
+title: Walking Out Into the Rain (JustWriteLol part 1)
+summary: Being unprepared for a mundane event made me think a little too much. A start to what I hope to be a series of shorter posts.
+---
+
+Tuesday, March 4, 2025\
+1:45 PM
+
+I was standing in the entrance lobby of my university's computer science building. When I walked inside, I was immediately blindsided by the
+torrent of rain assaulting the pavement outside the front doors. I leaned against a wall off to the side and pulled out my phone: It's around 40
+degrees, feels-like 35, which hopefully meant that my thick black-and-white sweater would keep me warm enough outside.
+
+The bigger problem is that I don't have a coat. Or an umbrella. Or anything at all that could keep me dry. Even my backpack, holding within
+its modest 13-liter capacity everything I needed (and a bunch of things I didn't) for my school day... is not really known to be waterproof.
+Holding it above my head like a sacrificial offering might keep my head dry, but I couldn't say the same about everything *else* in the bag.
+
+I guess this is why most people check the forecast before they leave for their daily errands: so they don't feel incredibly stupid when
+Mother Nature desides to pull a prank on them.
+
+My weather app says the rain won't cease until at least another hour, so unless I want to stay trapped in this building for the next hour waiting
+for the rain to die down... I need to just say screw it and walk out the front doors. So, after putting my phone back in my back pocket, 
+I pushed a door open and stepped out into the outdoors.
+
+Immediately I felt the slight chill in the air. Strangely, it felt less oppressive now than it did when I left this morning. Then, there was so much
+wind constantly battering me, making me stop in my tracks halfway to the bus stop outside my apartment as I turned the thought of going back and
+grabbing my coat over in my head. I decided I didn't want to risk being even later to class by missing the bus, so I huffed it regardless of the cold.
+
+In hindsight, that unrelenting wind was probably the opening act to the torrent I'm stuck in the middle of now — something about the cold front
+moving in or whatever. Yet somehow, the main event is less distressing than I thought it would be. I barely feel the rain on my body, likely thanks
+to my sweater taking the brunt of the attack. Even when the raindrops hit the top of my head, they feel... pleasant? I joked with myself before
+opening the doors that "at least I'll get a little shower from this", but I didn't expect it to actually feel like that.
+
+I took a path down some (slightly precarious) sidewalk steps and put myself on the main road of campus, thankfully closed off from most motor-traffic
+since this fall. I picked up the pace a little bit, jogging lightly across the street, but I didn't feel a big sense of urgency to get out of the rain.
+I expected to be walking into Poseidon's hell-pit, but I actually feel like I'm in a gentle waterfall. I think to myself "This is fine" but I'm
+not sarcastic about it. I genuinely feel fine. I feel great. A little refresher in a day full of underlying stress and worry.
+
+I eventually walked down the road to the school library, which houses a cafe in the lowest floor. And it is here where I am writing this very post.
+
+---
+
+I'm tempted to slightly lampshade this next section, but I think for vibes' sake I'm not going to.
+
+That brief little experience of fearing the
+consequences of my actions and then realizing that the outcome is a lot more pleasurable than I thought it would be... kinda sums up a lot of
+my experiences trying new things and becoming an adult. I have so much anxiety about messing things up: friendships, relationships, school,
+projects, even cooking and cleaning. I feel so much pressure to be a perfectly functioning person that when I don't live up to that expectation, I
+often shut down. Especially since I don't really know how to balance work and productivity vs rest and relaxation, it feels like my body and mind
+schedule maintenance randomly no matter what I need to be doing. Hell, you could consider *this* to be unscheduled maintenance since I originally
+intended to work on homework until my next scheduled event for today.
+
+But oftentimes, all of this anxiety is solely based on worst-case predictions that aren't likely to come true. If I actually step out of my comfort
+zone and actually *do the thing*, I often find that the results fare far better than I feared. I walk out into the rain without a coat, and I
+actually end up feeling comforted by the "little shower". I tell my friend something I fear will make them upset, and instead they react understandingly
+and positively. I try a new concoction in the kitchen in a desparate attempt to feed myself, and it actually tastes pretty good and gives me enough
+energy to stay productive for the rest of the day.
+
+I'm so scared to do anything that could be bad that I oftentimes miss out on the good things that come from stepping out and being an adult.
+I think that's the big reason I feel so mentally "stuck" right now: I'm too afraid to actually step outside my known comfort junk-routines and
+actually make decisions for myself.
+
+I think I'm finally at a place mentally where I can start rectifying that.
+
+---
+
+This post should hopefully be the start of a new series of shorter posts about random things. They'll come out every week, starting today.
+
+One of them may be about the Gunsmith system in recent Call of Duty games. Another one may be about my misadventures with Docker. I don't really
+know what I'll write, but I'll write *something*. I just need to write. Lol.
+
+Goodnight everypony

src/pages/index.astro

@@ -34,14 +34,8 @@ import { timeZone } from "../lib/utils";
         <a href="/journal" class="font-serif text-subtitle text-sm hover:underline">February 18, 2024</a>
       </p>
       
-      <MDXCallout preset="info">
-        whoops i forgor to pay my hosting provider so my website went poof. i fixed it. website back now. yey
-        <br/><br/>
-        Expect an editing pass to my last blog post (f i n a l l y) sometime soon-ish.
-      </MDXCallout>
-      
       <h2 class="font-serif text-2xl mb-2">recent posts</h2>
-      <ul class="space-y-2">
+      <ul class="space-y-2 mb-2">
         {posts.sort((a, b) => compareDesc(new Date(a.data.date), new Date(b.data.date))).map((post, idx) => {
           if (idx >= 3 || post.data.draft) return;
           console.log(toZonedTime(post.data.date, timeZone));
@@ -54,6 +48,7 @@ import { timeZone } from "../lib/utils";
           );
         })}
       </ul>
+      <p class="mb-2"><a href="/blog" class="text-subtitle italic hover:text-current">find more posts →</a></p>
       <h2 class="font-serif text-2xl mb-2">webrings</h2>
       <div class="flex items-baseline">
         <a class="text-subtitle hover:text-current" href="https://fediring.net/previous?host=eleboog.com">←&ensp;</a>

src/pages/journal.mdx

@@ -13,10 +13,7 @@ import Icon from "../components/Icon.astro";
 
 ## now
 
-I just realized I have an assignment due in two days. Whoops. It won't be too bad, though.
-
-Also, this journal & sharefeed update will be my first real use of the new Docker Compose + Forgejo Actions CI/CD system I set up. 
-*Please work goddammit pleaaaaaaase*
+Why do I do the things I do?
 
 ---
 
@@ -29,6 +26,23 @@ Also, this journal & sharefeed update will be my first real use of the new Docke
 
 ---
 
+# 2025-03-04
+
+Welp, that didn't work.
+
+I tried creating a CI/CD system with Docker containers and Forgejo Actions... and it worked once. Now it doesn't work.
+
+I'm going to revert back to my old method, which involves a local node server managed with PM2, and figure out why Docker refused to cooperate later.
+I made this system so I didn't have to think about pushing changes, but since I clearly have to think about this a lot more with this system, it just
+isn't worth it.
+
+In other news I just had to spend $600 to make my car usuable so if anyone wants to [send me a few bucks on Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/kebokyo) I would
+appreciate that so much \<3
+
+This entry and the entry below it are both new now since the update that contained it never went live. Feel free to read that one too!
+
+Finally, [here's a deep cut from a legendary rock band's lesser-known albums.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBzuYNK95sM&pp=ygUOdGVuIHllYXJzIGdvbmU%3D) ktnxbye
+
 # 2025-02-18
 
 Today I learned that [NetNewsWire](https://netnewswire.com) added an extension to Safari that puts a little RSS button to the left of the address bar.