From 489e86e2a57e067f1a3d65db92e6c1d8f2b3ca0e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Kebo Date: Tue, 4 Mar 2025 15:49:23 -0600 Subject: [PATCH] new post pogchamp. and journal too cause yeeee --- src/content/posts/2025-03-04-jwl-01.mdx | 72 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ src/pages/index.astro | 9 +--- src/pages/journal.mdx | 22 ++++++-- 3 files changed, 92 insertions(+), 11 deletions(-) create mode 100644 src/content/posts/2025-03-04-jwl-01.mdx diff --git a/src/content/posts/2025-03-04-jwl-01.mdx b/src/content/posts/2025-03-04-jwl-01.mdx new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0bec9cf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/content/posts/2025-03-04-jwl-01.mdx @@ -0,0 +1,72 @@ +--- +date: 2025-03-04 13:00:00 +title: Walking Out Into the Rain (JustWriteLol part 1) +summary: Being unprepared for a mundane event made me think a little too much. A start to what I hope to be a series of shorter posts. +--- + +Tuesday, March 4, 2025\ +1:45 PM + +I was standing in the entrance lobby of my university's computer science building. When I walked inside, I was immediately blindsided by the +torrent of rain assaulting the pavement outside the front doors. I leaned against a wall off to the side and pulled out my phone: It's around 40 +degrees, feels-like 35, which hopefully meant that my thick black-and-white sweater would keep me warm enough outside. + +The bigger problem is that I don't have a coat. Or an umbrella. Or anything at all that could keep me dry. Even my backpack, holding within +its modest 13-liter capacity everything I needed (and a bunch of things I didn't) for my school day... is not really known to be waterproof. +Holding it above my head like a sacrificial offering might keep my head dry, but I couldn't say the same about everything *else* in the bag. + +I guess this is why most people check the forecast before they leave for their daily errands: so they don't feel incredibly stupid when +Mother Nature desides to pull a prank on them. + +My weather app says the rain won't cease until at least another hour, so unless I want to stay trapped in this building for the next hour waiting +for the rain to die down... I need to just say screw it and walk out the front doors. So, after putting my phone back in my back pocket, +I pushed a door open and stepped out into the outdoors. + +Immediately I felt the slight chill in the air. Strangely, it felt less oppressive now than it did when I left this morning. Then, there was so much +wind constantly battering me, making me stop in my tracks halfway to the bus stop outside my apartment as I turned the thought of going back and +grabbing my coat over in my head. I decided I didn't want to risk being even later to class by missing the bus, so I huffed it regardless of the cold. + +In hindsight, that unrelenting wind was probably the opening act to the torrent I'm stuck in the middle of now — something about the cold front +moving in or whatever. Yet somehow, the main event is less distressing than I thought it would be. I barely feel the rain on my body, likely thanks +to my sweater taking the brunt of the attack. Even when the raindrops hit the top of my head, they feel... pleasant? I joked with myself before +opening the doors that "at least I'll get a little shower from this", but I didn't expect it to actually feel like that. + +I took a path down some (slightly precarious) sidewalk steps and put myself on the main road of campus, thankfully closed off from most motor-traffic +since this fall. I picked up the pace a little bit, jogging lightly across the street, but I didn't feel a big sense of urgency to get out of the rain. +I expected to be walking into Poseidon's hell-pit, but I actually feel like I'm in a gentle waterfall. I think to myself "This is fine" but I'm +not sarcastic about it. I genuinely feel fine. I feel great. A little refresher in a day full of underlying stress and worry. + +I eventually walked down the road to the school library, which houses a cafe in the lowest floor. And it is here where I am writing this very post. + +--- + +I'm tempted to slightly lampshade this next section, but I think for vibes' sake I'm not going to. + +That brief little experience of fearing the +consequences of my actions and then realizing that the outcome is a lot more pleasurable than I thought it would be... kinda sums up a lot of +my experiences trying new things and becoming an adult. I have so much anxiety about messing things up: friendships, relationships, school, +projects, even cooking and cleaning. I feel so much pressure to be a perfectly functioning person that when I don't live up to that expectation, I +often shut down. Especially since I don't really know how to balance work and productivity vs rest and relaxation, it feels like my body and mind +schedule maintenance randomly no matter what I need to be doing. Hell, you could consider *this* to be unscheduled maintenance since I originally +intended to work on homework until my next scheduled event for today. + +But oftentimes, all of this anxiety is solely based on worst-case predictions that aren't likely to come true. If I actually step out of my comfort +zone and actually *do the thing*, I often find that the results fare far better than I feared. I walk out into the rain without a coat, and I +actually end up feeling comforted by the "little shower". I tell my friend something I fear will make them upset, and instead they react understandingly +and positively. I try a new concoction in the kitchen in a desparate attempt to feed myself, and it actually tastes pretty good and gives me enough +energy to stay productive for the rest of the day. + +I'm so scared to do anything that could be bad that I oftentimes miss out on the good things that come from stepping out and being an adult. +I think that's the big reason I feel so mentally "stuck" right now: I'm too afraid to actually step outside my known comfort junk-routines and +actually make decisions for myself. + +I think I'm finally at a place mentally where I can start rectifying that. + +--- + +This post should hopefully be the start of a new series of shorter posts about random things. They'll come out every week, starting today. + +One of them may be about the Gunsmith system in recent Call of Duty games. Another one may be about my misadventures with Docker. I don't really +know what I'll write, but I'll write *something*. I just need to write. Lol. + +Goodnight everypony \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/pages/index.astro b/src/pages/index.astro index 6c0d2d4..c50a38d 100644 --- a/src/pages/index.astro +++ b/src/pages/index.astro @@ -33,15 +33,9 @@ import { timeZone } from "../lib/utils";

Last journal update: February 18, 2024

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- Expect an editing pass to my last blog post (f i n a l l y) sometime soon-ish. -

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